Monday, May 05, 2014
by Ned Wazowski
The Mantagons vs. Modern Society
The Mantagons may be the strongest armed fleet in Spaceman Jax’s galaxy, but how would they fare against the selfie?
The Mantagons were the best bad guys on the 1960s animated TV show Spaceman Jax and the Galactic Adventures. Though skinny little octopus-like aliens, they had the strongest army in the galaxy, proudly boasting more Ultra-turbo-zap-guns than they had arms to use them. They were single-minded, which they would probably take as a complement, since with no society outside of their military, the single goal all Mantagons shared was to dominate – without any pesky questions as to why.
If the Mantagons were around today, visiting us from their 1960s view of the future, they would undoubtedly try to take over since that’s the only thing they all believe in. They would have the weapons to do so, from the arsenal of their fleet to the Ultra-turbo-zap-guns they keep within reach of their many tentacled arms.
But I’m not sure the Mantagons would see our Earthly militaries as the biggest threat. While they would enjoy matching our armies missile for missile, they would probably make the assessment that the real control on the planet is held by the rectangular pieces of plastic we keep in our pockets and check every few minutes. “What clever mind control!”
Mantagon generals on Earth today would order their troops not to look directly at the plastic devices, for fear of losing their underlings to brainwashing.
Given that the Mantagons’ need to dominate seems to come from an inferiority complex – they are, after all, physically weak – it is easy to imagine some of the lower ranks succumbing pretty quickly to the self-indulgence of our social media with whole platoons of Mantagons sitting around cafes posting selfies and trying to outdo each other with the most #blessed updates.
The Mantagon generals shouldn’t be too worried, though. Once they figure out how to harness the power of internet trolls they’ll have one of the most powerful weapons in the galaxy.
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