Darth Vader: Deadbeat Dad

At the end of the day, Star Wars is just another custody battle with the kids caught in the middle.

Darth Vader is many things; powerful, merciless, fond of capes. But primarily, he’s a Deadbeat Baby Daddy.

Where was Darth Vader when Luke and Leia were growing up – shouldn’t he have been providing for their well-being? As a princess, Leia was raised by a wealthy family, but Luke’s Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru probably could have used some extra credits to keep the farm running. (And how about sending Luke a gift card for Tosche Station on his birthday, is that too much to ask?)

Sure, Vader would say, but the children were hidden from him. He has all the power of the Empire at his disposal, not to mention the Dark Side. How hard could it be to find two kids?

Granted, Leia was living under another name with her adoptive family, but she was royalty after all, and as such she would have got a lot of attention throughout the galaxy (there’s probably a galactic equivalent to People Magazine). Plus, she was well known to the Empire as a diplomat – surely the Empire could easily check on the background of people in power like that. What’s more, the first film (Episode IV: A New Hope) makes it perfectly clear that Vader has seen her before. Did he never once think, “This Leia sure looks a lot like my dead wife” or even “Wow, this princess looks just like me”?!?

Luke would have been even easier to find. Luke was living on Tatooine – the planet where Vader, as Anakin Skywalker, grew up. Furthermore, he lived there with family, people that Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones shows us Vader knew (they even lived in the same house he visited). More than all of this, though, is the fact that Luke is using the name Skywalker, which everyone around him admits is his dad’s name.

C’mon Darth Vader. You don’t need the force to find your kids; you just need a phone book!